Love at First Sight!

Two things inspired me to write this blog. The first was a conversation I had with two mothers last weekend about their experiences when they had their first baby. The second was a line that one of the videos featured in the Yummiest Mummy contest. It read, “Nothing is better than the first time you hold your baby”

But what if you don’t fall in love with your baby at first sight? What if you don’t have that “nothing is better than the first time you hold your baby feeling” the first time you hold him?

I didn’t feel that overwhelming, awe-inspiring, “I’m in love with you from the first moment I saw you” kind of feeling when I first held Adam. Maybe it was because I had just spent 2 ½ hours trying to push him out. Maybe I was still trying to get over the humiliation of having to spend one of those hours pushing while on my hands and knees with my ass up in the air like a dog in heat. Maybe I was worried about the doctor who was nonchalantly stitching me below the equator. All I know is that when I looked down at him, exhausted and spent, all I saw a baby. A cute baby. But just a baby nonetheless. He could have been any baby.

I felt ripped off.

I had read all the pregnancy books. I had talked to people who had given birth. They all told me it would be the most magical moment of my life. So what the hell was wrong with me?

The next day was no better. I did not look like those cute women you see on “The Baby Story”. I looked like I had gone 10 rounds with Mike Tyson (although I at least still had my ears). My entire body was so swollen that I couldn’t even open my eyes. I needed ice packs on both my face and my nether regions. I couldn’t fit my hand around my wrists – something I could do only 24 hours previously - and my toes looked like sausages. Then there was the whole issue with the blood. The pregnancy books talked about bleeding after giving birth. But they certainly didn’t say anything about enough blood to put the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre to shame.

There I am, laying in an uncomfortable bed in a room with three other new mothers, not having slept for 48 hours, feeling like I had been hit by a truck, bleeding like a stuck pig, and I am now the mother of this tiny, pink, wrinkled little baby who is completely dependent on me. The only problem is I have no clue how to take care of a baby. As my husband and I were getting ready to leave the hospital with Adam, we were both dumbfounded that there was such little fanfare. They’re just going to let us leave? There’s no test to make sure we’re capable, competent parents? What the hell are they thinking? Wasn’t anyone going to come home with us?

And here it is almost six years later and I love both Adam and Liam with my entire being. I did eventually have that magical, awe-inspiring moment with each of them. But it took a few days. A few days where I spent time getting to know them and learning the little things that made each of them unique and special.

So if you’re out there and you’re reading this and you’re about to have a baby. Don’t worry if you don’t feel that instantaneous rush of love moments after you give birth. The time will come. You’re just going to have a bit of a courtship first.

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submitted by Rachael Chatoor!